Special thanks to editrix extraordinaire Jessica McGinley for last week’s Britney Spears-ified Under Cover!
My last few months of writing ‘Under Cover’ have been one big lovefest. But sometimes I feel like balancing things out by tossing in a little sour with the sweet. Never one to shy away from the dissenting opinion, this isn’t just about my need to hate on things every now and then (especially since some rockers make it so hard not to). I’m just trying to keep it real. And fun. And mix it up. For you guys, the readers. And since last time was such a blast, I present Under Cover: WTF!? Edition, Part II. Music crimes perpetrated by musicians who surely should know better may not be punishable by death or even law, but that doesn’t mean we give up our constitutional right to make fun of them. Why, you ask? More like why the fuck not!?
A great song can be a great thing. But a bad cover song is indefensible and may quite possibly be what Led Zeppelin meant when they sang “What Is And Should Never Be”. Like last time, these nonsensical acts generally lead to any, if not all, of the following questions: Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Who the hell allowed this one to happen? Why God, why? As well as: How could you do this to your fans? and How can you show your face in this town ever again? The reactions of listeners vary greatly, but some have been reported as: loss of appetite, loss of will to love music, wanting to burn their iPods, and willingness to move to Amish country. This week I salute Cheap Trick, Pink Floyd, and Björk, and throw e-darts at photos of Velvet Revolver, Scissor Sisters, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs at my dart board. Sigh, did it really have to come to this?
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Cheap Trick – “Surrender”
Velvet Revolver (cover: 2004)
Security? Security? Can someone please come and take this awful cover away? Out of the ashes of Stone Temple Pilots and Guns N’ Roses came the phoenix that is Velvet Revolver. Or in the parlance of rock journalists, the “supergroup.” I’ll be the first to admit this was much more musically orgasmic in theory than reality. And what do arrogant supergroups do? Aside from aging groupies, they cover rock anthems. And do drugs. Is it really ironic to see lead singer Scott Weiland voluntarily cover a song that mentions the “Indonesian junk” that’s going ’round? As this is rumored to have referenced low grade heroin, perhaps not such a stretch for Weiland after all. A lot of my problem with this rendition, I’ll admit, is with the band itself. Remember 90’s Stone Temple Pilots and their once virile Weiland with that powerful, deep voice and an ability to exude sex on-stage? Well, throw in a heroin problem and now we’re left with an effeminate lead singer with an irritatingly high-pitched voice and a penchant for guyliner. Weiland’s barely audible vocals are strained and to add insult to injury, the back up vocals are higher to match. The music sounds overproduced and the guitars aren’t nearly as raw as the original. And it’s a sad day when not even the great Slash can save the ensuing mess. I want to like this rendition, but it’s atrocious and unforgivable. To perform a live impromptu version at a concert is one thing, but it’s audacious to record this for their album and make millions. I laugh when Weiland sings “Whatever happened to all this season’s losers of the year? / Every time I got to thinking, where’d they disappear?” because he probably doesn’t realize he’s singing about himself here, specifically. Sorry guys, but I’m going to have to go ahead and file this one under “Cover Songs That Should Never Have Made It Backstage.” Don’t even bother flashing boob, it won’t work.
Velvet Revolver – “Surrender” (Cheap Trick)
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“Comfortably Numb†by Pink Floyd (original: 1979)
English progressive rock bands will always trump their American counterparts, and I proudly wave a white guitar, bow down and salute Pink Floyd as one of my all-time favorites. If you want a stellar example of music that is inventive, out-of-this-world, inimitable, and unlike anything that has come before or after, get thee to the record store and request a copy of The Wall so you can listen to “Comfortably Numb” as often as you’d like. I could go numb, quite comfortably actually, if I had nothing on a deserted island but lead singer David Gilmour’s voice to listen to (and Hugh Jackman to look at). It’s so relaxing. Beautiful. Flawless. Pretty. Inviting. But that guitar solo mid-song is a whole ‘nother story! I recall a best friend urgently calling my cell several times while I was once driving with this song on the radio. I called her back later and said, “Sorry, I just really had to hear that entire guitar solo” and she laughed and understood why it took me 20 minutes (10 minutes to process the whole song, and an additional 10 minutes of reeling post-song) to finish up, regroup, and call her back. How’s that for an understanding friend? But any true Pink Floyd fan can attest to the entrancing nature of their soundscapes. They are, at best, carnivals of sound that completely take over your senses when you listen to them and keep your undivided attention, even after they are over. While “Comfortably Numb” isn’t my favorite, it’s arguably [one of] the best and perhaps most recognizable in their discography. The lyrics are equal parts thought-provoking and peaceful, but they are eclipsed by that monstrous guitar coda that defines the song and sets the outro on fire, even as it fades out. Trust me, this one should already belong in your collection. And if it doesn’t, consider this a public service announcement sufficiently urging you to do the right thing and increase your musical consciousness.
Pink Floyd – “Comfortably Numb”
Scissor Sisters (cover: 2004)
Cut! Cut! Can someone please yell cut!? If ABBA and the Bee Gees had the good sense not to cover this, what’s your excuse? How could you butcher a classic song of your fellow British countrymen? God save the Queen? More like God save me from the horror that is this version. The popularity of Scissor Sisters is something I can’t comprehend and quite frankly, I really don’t even want to. If you actually make it through this entire song, I applaud your patience and high tolerance of all that is unbearable and wrong in the world of music. I also question your hearing, but will refrain from judging. First of all, what’s with the beginning riff that so shamelessly pilfers Stevie Nicks‘ “Edge Of Seventeen”. I was actually waiting for someone to start singing “just like the white-winged dove,” but instead this disco-style song pushed me to the edge of wanting to off myself. The protagonist in Albert Camus‘ classic existential novel The Stranger famously blamed the sun’s glare for provoking his murder of a man on a beach. Too bad the Scissor Sisters weren’t around in the early 20th century since I’m sure he could have blamed their music for his transgression and actually had a better case. And I don’t even know what’s worse… the cheap imitation of ABBA? The Bee Gees-like falsetto vocals? The disco music? The fact that there is not even a hint of a guitar, let alone a solo? Or the fact that Pink Floyd gave permission for this song to even happen, making it the biggest UK hit single covering a Floyd song. What?! Pink Floyd and dance music should never share the same sentence, let alone music chart. The only consolation I find is hearing how David Gilmour invited Scissor Sisters’ lead singer Jake Shears to help sing “Comfortably Numb” during some live shows in 2006, but dropped the idea very last minute (read this). Kind of a dick move, but I’m glad Pink Floyd probably came to their senses and realized they couldn’t possibly subject their hardcore fans to disco if they value them at all. I also imagine it would be hard to smoke pot and “do the Hustle” at the same time? But still, what’s more rock n’ roll than a feud and/or a possible fisticuffs? Oh, and the inevitable press coverage. Sorry chaps, but I’m going to have to go ahead and file this one under “Cover Songs That Actually Make Me Wish I Were Deaf.” Ouch.
Scissor Sisters – “Comfortably Numb” (Pink Floyd)
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“Hyper-Ballad†by Björk (original: 1995)
Wow, to be the incredible man who inspired such a mind-blowingly creative love song! I’m getting chills just thinking about him. Quite simply, “Hyper-Ballad” is one of my favorite love songs written of all time off Björk’s album Post, which incidentally is in my “Top 10 Albums of the 1990’s.” To know Björk’s music is to love her. Like, all of her. That means all her quirks, neuroses, general oddness, insane talent, boundless imagination, temper tantrums and questionable fashion choices. Her music will make you experience every possibly known (and sometimes unknown to you before her music) feeling in the spectrum of human emotion. Perhaps a fan favorite and one of her more accessible tracks, “Hyper-Ballad” details her waking up early before her boyfriend and throwing small objects off a cliff to watch them crash onto rocks. She, instead, imagines her body in place of those objects, which makes her only happier to be home, safely waking up in his arms. Perhaps an extreme way to come to appreciate a boyfriend, but the music (and many remixes) makes up for it. The best part of the song is the build-up in intensity. It goes from soft to loud, slow to fast, simple to complex, and when she hits the breaking point (realizing she really is happier in his arms), the song almost takes flight and her happy yelps make you feel like you’re running away with her, back home to your lover, excited and happy to find them there. Her lyrics are so seemingly simple, but they have a much broader focus than they let on. Is “Hyper-Ballad” about doing away with materialism? Thoughts of suicide? Letting go of the past (love) to be fair to your future? Freeing the soul by doing away with the ego and body? Ridding oneself of destructive impulses? Detoxing your life of the things you hate so you can appreciate that which you love? Purging life of the bad and finding renewal in catharsis? I think it’s about all of those things as well, but mostly about all the private thoughts we experience and the rituals we have to do in order to make love work with another person. If you’re less literary and into looking at stunning visuals, check out the Michel Gondry-directed video as it perfectly captures the beauty of this song and Björk’s brilliance. I also highly recommend the Brodsky Quartet version found on Telegram. Not only is it amazing, but it only further demonstrates how versatile, boundless, and inventive her music is. She defies genre classification and basic human comprehension, putting her in a class all her own. Björk is just an incredible force of nature that you can’t help but love, even if you don’t quite understand her.
Yeah Yeah Yeahs (live cover)
Yeah Yeah Yeah? More like No, No, No! “Hell To The Motherf*#&n No (the remix)”, even. Not many musicians can perform renditions of songs that hit different notes than the original yet can still make it work successfully in their new direction, so unless you’re brilliant at it like José González or Chan Marshall (see: Cat Power) you’re already climbing a slippery slope. Enter Yeah Yeah Yeahs with an uninspired acoustic cover of “Hyperballad”. It’s pretty bad, but the fact that it was performed live (and not recorded as a single) makes it only slightly more forgivable. Frontwoman Karen O’s vocals are off-kilter, disjointed, out of tune, and quite frankly all over the place. This actually amuses me since Björk herself has made a career out of singing in an off-kilter, disjointed, “out of tune,” and all over the place manner. The only difference is Karen O’s interpretation of “Hyper-Ballad” is painful to listen to, while Björk manages to create aural sex whenever she sings. Not only does this version not do the original justice, but it only reveals how uncomfortable she is singing someone else’s masterpiece. She sounds unconfident, unsure, and the opposite of “owning it.” Had the Yeah Yeah Yeahs took the original material, started over, and created something entirely brand new maybe only then this one would sound better. Haplessly changing notes to try and make it sound different does not a good cover make. All it did was confuse the listener since it just sounds like Karen O herself has no idea what verses she’ll sing next. The beautiful “I go through all this / Before you wake up / So I can feel happier / To be safe up here with you” chorus is supposed to be something to look forward, but not in this rendition. Instead, it only means we’re one chorus closer to the song being over. I feel bad dissing a fellow Jersey girl, but I must. Sorry, but I’m going to have to go ahead and file this one under “Cover Songs That Need To Be Taken To The Country And Shot…Twice.” Stick to the original material!
Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Hyper-Ballad” (Bjork)
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