Beware: Assistants in Power
Assistants may be the definition of show biz losers, but the job does have its perks. Aside from getting first crack at the CD’s and free tickets that get sent to our boss, we are the gatekeepers. We control everything. And I do mean everything. 
Everyone is vying for the attention of our boss, and the sole purpose of the assistant is to decide who gets through and who doesn’t. Before you can get anywhere, you have to be able to answer two questions.
“Who may I say is calling?”
“And what is this regarding?”
If you can’t answer them coherently and politely, then you’re going to hit a roadblock. Every assistant will give the message to his or her boss (because we all value our job, demeaning as it sometimes may be), it’s all a matter of timeliness and context. If a message is given at the wrong time in the wrong way, like when Boss Man is distracted by a poor selling show or a car in the shop, the message will be forgotten.
Assistants don’t just have power over the outsides that try to get to our boss; we also have power over our own boss. We book travel, rental cars, and appointments. You can easily be assigned to a middle seat on the last row of the plane and drive a subcompact with no GPS if you don’t keep us happy and relatively well paid.
This is nowhere near my style, but if an assistant were criminally inclined and especially slighted by the man who signs the paycheck, assistants hold all of the vital information not just on the boss, but if it’s anything like my office, also of clients and their families. That includes addresses, phone numbers, credit card numbers and social security numbers. For obvious reasons, the boss must find the delicate balance of barking orders and appreciating the assistant’s work.
Of course, this power trip should never go to the assistant’s head, less they end up like a former coworker. One of my fellow assistants became too comfortable and believed herself to be quite indispensable to our boss after five years of service. She was very mistaken and found herself unceremoniously fired by email.
- The Assistant
If you have any questions about what I do, the workings of the music business, or just the perspective of an insider, then please post them in the comment section. I’ll do my best to answer them. On any given day I work with management, labels, book agents, publicists, venues, marketing people, promoters, radio, web masters, and loads more, so I have plenty of dirt to dish.
