Every week I write praise pieces on great bands and how other great bands pay homage to them in the form of a great cover and overall musical greatness. Sure, I could continue focusing on the best of the best, but sometimes it’s fun to talk about the music that never should have been made.  Welcome to the sporadic and highly elusive Under Cover: WTF!? Edition. Why, you ask? More like why the fuck not!?
Sometimes music journalists feel the need to report on something really horrific, whether it be the musician who refuses to fade away/burn out/go away/simply retire already (i.e.- Madonna, ‘Sticky and Sweet’ tour, really? Really?! Gross.), or bands like Nickelback whose popularity in America makes me question the taste of my fellow countrymen. Then there are the general musical crimes committed by otherwise competent musicians that are worthy of mp3 deletion or a quick hit of the ::gasp:: skip button on your stereo. Specifically, performing a cover song that was perfectly fine as it was and did not need tampering with. These nonsensical acts generally lead to any, if not all, of the following questions: Are you kidding me? Are you serious? Who the hell allowed this one to happen? Why God, why? This week I salute Don Henley, Nine Inch Nails, and The Jesus and Mary Chain, and hang my head in shame at The Ataris, Johnny Cash, and Pixies. Come on guys, you really should’ve known better.
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“The Boys Of Summer” by Don Henley (original: 1984)
What can be said about this incredible rock song (and one of my all-time favorites) that hasn’t already been said? A mark of its genius is the fact that even today when I’m driving in my car and find it on classic radio I still experience the same goosebumps, tingles and awe I first experienced hearing it as a kid. That guitar riff in the beginning is so sexy, the drum machines and synthesizer action set the mood, and coupled with the voyeuristic lyrics it all feels like the musical equivalent to a night-time song on my radio when I’m “driving by your house, though I know you’re not home.” I love Don Henley‘s passionate vocals, the story he tells and I admittedly still can’t quite entirely understand what this one is all about… loss of love? An unhealthy relationship? Infidelity? Stalking? Aging?  Reflecting on past love? Maybe all, but I kind of like not knowing for sure since the enigmatic lyrics are what make this song so powerful. My favorite lyrics are “I never will forget those nights / I wonder if it was a dream / Remember how you made me crazy? / Remember how I made you scream?” because of the ambiguity. Is he implying a fight? Or sex. I enjoy assuming it’s the latter, but you never can quite tell here.  And the black and white video is really artistically shot and perfectly brings out the haunting nature of ”Boys Of Summer”. This song is an American rock n’ roll triumph!
Don Henley – “The Boys of Summer”
The Ataris (cover: 2003)
I must ask, seriously, who allowed this mess to happen? Don’t get me wrong, I personally was a huge fan of The Ataris as a pop punk-obsessed youth and I’m all about the ironic rock cover, but still. I don’t know if it’s the heavy guitar riffs that overpower everything or lead singer Kris Roe‘s straining vocals, but this song manages to steer very far away from the subtle genius of the original. It’s not as pretty or thought-provoking and lacks any kind of emotional depth. One marked difference I actually found interesting is in the lyrics. While Henley sang “Out on the road today I saw a Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac,” The Ataris switched ”Deadhead” to “Black Flag.” This must have been done since Black Flag was more relevant to them as a punk rock band, whereas Don Henley chose to discuss wealthy car owners with Grateful Dead stickers to highlight the counterculturalism of his age group at the time. It’s even been said that The Ataris are peeved with this being their hugest hit ever, especially since it wasn’t their song and they have a ton of other originals that are frankly much better. While an interesting take for The Ataris, I’d like to file this song under “Covers That Should Never Have Seen The Light Of Day.”
The Ataris – “The Boys of Summer”
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“Hurt” by Nine Inch Nails (original: 1995)
(Scroll to about the 20 second mark if you’re impatient!) I was always into rock n’ roll growing up and nothing else, whereas my younger sister was heavy into hip hop.  Not only did I feel like I had failed in influencing her positively (or musically rather), but this made car rides extremely difficult since we could barely agree on anything on the radio… until Nine Inch Nails gained popularity and we both agreed lead singer Trent Reznor was (and still is) one hot piece of man. That was the moment I felt like I was making a musical difference as an older sister (haha) and we gushed about how much we loved “Hurt”. This song is entrancing, chilly, dark, and powerful in its music, lyrics and vocal delivery. My favorite line is “What have I become / My sweetest friend / Everyone I know goes away in the end” because while it’s pretty somber, there’s still a tinge of hopefulness in all the sadness as he sings. The guitar splices that punctuate the song while Reznor screams “you can have it all” almost feel like tiny daggers are stabbing you while you’re walking up a neverending flight of stairs. And the entire song charges at you with his emotional intensity in a way that refuses to be ignored, whether you’re ready for it or not. Especially that snarling guitar wail at the end that’s actually a tad unsettling. But that’s okay. The man is deep, what else is there to say?
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Johnny Cash (cover: 2003)
I must ask, are you for real!? I’m aware I may lose some friends over this one, but I think Johnny Cash‘s cover of “Hurt” is one of the most overrated songs ever performed. I do, however, find it funny that most musical idiots think this song came out first and Nine Inch Nails covered it. I think his cover might have been better in theory than in reality since the whole thing seems too gimmicky to me. Sometimes when a musical icon of a different era and genre performs an unlikely cover people mistake this move as nothing short of genius. Yeah, I don’t think so. His vocals are chilly but don’t create tingles for me the way Reznor’s do, and the acoustic guitar doesn’t set the same dark mood as the original that makes it so captivating.  He even changed Reznor’s “I wear this crown of shit” to “I wear this crown of thorns” to maybe reference Christ, making this song more religious and less about being in a fucked up emotional state-of-mind as Reznor was. Stick to country, Cash. I’m going to have to go ahead and file this one under “Cover Songs That Are Over-Hyped…Next!”
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“Head On” by The Jesus and Mary Chain (original: 1990)
I looooove this song! If they ever make a movie of my life I hope they cast Rachel Weisz (or Cate Blanchett, if she doesn’t mind dyeing her hair) and play “Head On” during the closing credits. Or in the future, if science allows us to choose how we’d like to die, I want this song played during the inevitable aneurysm I will experience during an act of extreme and heightened pleasure. Yes, The Jesus and Mary Chain are really that awesome, even if most of their songs are usually about sex. Lead singer Jim Reid‘s vocals are resonant, the incendiary guitar during the bridge sparks the rest of the music to ignite into a fiery sound, and the drumming is perfect for getting into the groove at an indie rock dance party. In fact, when he sings “Makes you want to feel / Makes you want to try / Makes you want to blow the stars from the sky” he probably didn’t realize he was explaining just how listening to this song can make you feel. You want to get up and dance, go out and fall in love, get hurt and do it all over again. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a sour mood, come home, blasted this song and I’m immediately transported to a much better emotional place where the air is sweet and all my favorite indie music plays on loop. But be careful– ”Head On” can make you do crazy things. If you don’t believe me, just ask this guy.
The Jesus and Mary Chain – “Head On”
Pixies (cover: 1991)
I must ask, who are the producers who allowed this shit to happen!? Yeah, sorry to my friends and assorted Pixies lovers, but I’m just not buying this cover. Why must they mess with perfection? Especially a year or so after the original came out. Jeez, can’t you wait a little? Somewhere between lead singer Frank Black‘s screeching vocals and sloppy garage rocky guitars is a perfect gem of a song that didn’t deserve to be covered. What did The JAMC ever do to you guys? This version lacks the upbeat, feel-good danceability and the relaxing vocals of the original that echoed over the melody throughout the song. And all this one makes me want to do is break stuff or run over to my stereo and shut it off to make whatever all this is stop. I think I’m going to file this one under ”Cover Songs By Bands Who Need To Stick To Their Own Music… And Switch To Decaf.”
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Check back for Under Cover: WTF!? Edition whenever I get tired of praising the music gods and feel like sipping on some haterade. You know how it is.
